Virtual Stitch 'n Bitch

For some reason, my friends/family a blown away that I knit (and that I actually don't suck at it).  Most a very cool and recognize the amount of work that goes into it.  Others are a bit oblivious. I'm starting to get some requests to knit for others (I like to do gifts for people but it is different when people ask - especially when they say what I can knit them for Christmas).  A few seem to think that you can knit sweater in a few hours and for a few bucks, no problems.  My standard replies have been:

1)  "Instead of me knitting for you, get some needles and I'll show you how."
2)  "You couldn't afford me to knit a sweater for you." (and then I tell them how long it takes; how much it costs...blahblahblah..their eyes glaze over and/or they don't care).

I don't want to get nasty with them (since it is usually a family member/friend) but there have to be some great responses out there...

Hmmm, tough one. Depends if you want to be nice eally. You COULD say "I'm sorry, I've been commissioned until early June 2008"

Or you could just tell them to shut the hell up and get  life - BUY a sweater, the poncey weirdos, etc.

I like the first comment and I'll use it...thanks.  

when someone asks me to knit for them...I tell them sure. But that I charge 15 dollars an hour plus they pay the yarn cost.
And then they normally asks how much a sweater or socks would cost.
I love the looks on people faces when I tell them I would charge about 500 for a sweater.

theresa

Nicely done!  Based on how many hours it took me to make my first sweater, I'd be rich.  Knitting is truly a labour of love.

Thanks!

you gals are lucky.  No one has yet asked me to knit for them.  It could be the unusually warm weather this part of Canada gets year long, or (ghasp) it could be that I don't knit as well as I hope.

I choose to beleive that my knitting is so good that people cannot tell that I made it (yah right).

Acually, I think I lied.  one person has asked me to make a vest for her.  She wanted it designed after some tea towels I knit.  http://itissunnyatebertshome.blogspot.com/2005/07/silly-bird-its-no-use-crying-over.html

I've got it: Your work is so good that they are too in awe to ask.  How's that?  Are you from BC to have the warm Canadian weather. Here  in Ontario, I'm waiting for global warmiing to kick in in January...so far:  nada.

I remember ontario winters.  Brrrr...   makes me cold just thinking about it.  Yep, I'm in BC, I'm as south and just about as west as you can get (and still be in a city with a LYS)

Thanks for your vote of confidence.

There was an article in the paper about my SnBitch and now I am getting e-mails from people asking us to knit things for money.
One woman had a old fair isle christmas stocking that would have taken about a year to knit.
I wish people would just knit for them selves.

I was once informed that customer service is nothing more than educating the masses.  Ofcourse, my boss knew about as much about customer service as I do about spelling (little red faced squiggily line means something is going wrong), so his words require a grain of salt to swollow them.  

Perhaps you could reply with something like, "that's a fantastic idea, but really I'm a bit too swamped to take on another knitting project.  Myself and the other supportive members of (such and such) would be more than happy to offer our support while you knit it yourself.  It wouldn't take long for you to pick up the basics and bla bla bla"?  

I've offered to teach, but the seem to think it to imposible....People just don't get it. They think it takes nothing to knit.

Theresa

people are funny that way.  "it wouldn't take a second for you to knit it for me, but it is so darn difficult and labour intensive that there is no way in the world I could knit it for myself."

That comment sums up a lot with society:
1.  That people are so used to instant gratification that they expect everything right now and when they want it.
2.  People are so self-depreciating that they give up before they even try.  If we gave up on our first day with the needles, we'd not be accessing this site everyday (and knitting during the other times).

Yes the need for insnant gradification does seem to sum it up...
I strugle with that. Spend lots of money and time knitting a sweater, or go to the gap and get one for 20 bucks.
But I guess with the ones that I've made I will never see somone else in the exact same thing.

Theresa

It truly is a great feeling to wear something that you've made for yourself (and even getting a compliment on it) or having someone wear what you've made because they want to...

I've got an even better one...for someone to not belive you that you made somthing. I am not really aming for store bought look, but its nice that some thought my sweater was.

Theresa

I've knitted a scarf for my mom and now I'm working on a personalised hat for her currently. She's pretty picky about it...kind of "I want it, and I want it now!" and she's only worn the scarf once so far, anyway. She's also told me to knit something for (holiday) and to knit what she wants. XP

Alot of people have asked me to make them a Kittyvile hat in (color they like) for free (after seeing me wear mine), which is annoying but I don't think I'd sell them for money either. But my hair dresser and practicly family friend asked for one in pink (the yarn hardly costs $4.00) for a free hair cut which normaly costs $35.00. Considering the labor, it's like it's atleast $20 profit on my part; anyone's opinion?

Anyway...I'd love to have a sassy comeback when someone asks for something custom and knitted. I love the idea of daring them to learn to knit themselves. :D

I've found "no" is a pretty snappy and sassy comeback.

But then, I don't have a lot of friends.

lolo, that is a most excellent response.   ;D

hahah yeah I've yelled that at people, definitly like I mean it. ;-) It's satisfying. hahahaha

I usually tell people who ask me to knit something, "Sure, if you'll buy the yarn."  They usually lose interest pretty quickly after that.

Isn't THAT the truth. No one wants to shell out for it, do they? I think not only should they pay for the yarn, but also any medical expenses incurred from developing carpal tunnel syndrome.

lolo, you love mentioning carpal tunnel syndrome, don't you? hahaha :P

Maybe I do and MAYBE I DO!  :-*

:P

For the past few months, a few people have "insisted" that I should knit them stuff (e.g. sweaters - hahaha).  My new standard response of, "I'd be happy to show you how to knit.  Get the yarn and needles:  no problems," gets a pretty blank stare.  I can only imagine what is going through their minds:  "She's a bitch"  or "What?  And me spend time on it?" or maybe "I could never do that"  Whatever.  Those people don't ask me anymore...

:)

Stitch and Bitch go together! You should be so proud, vidachic! :)

I love how the word bitch can be both a noun and verb (sometimes at the same time!)>

There is a girl I work with who is really bad about that.

Case in point: I had a stack of granny squares sitting on my desk because I am working on the Color Bar Blanket from SNB:HH and Girl walks by:

Girl: Whatcha making?  Coasters?
Me: (picks up book and shows her that they will become a blanket)
Girl: will you make it for me if I buy you the yarn?
Me: *sigh* *attempts to steer her toward Fat Bottom Bag which only take me 3-4 hours*

That blanket has so far taken me 2 weeks.  No way am I making you one, even if you do buy me the yarn.

I have trouble saying no to family memebers and then being shunned at the next holiday by that member. They get over it though....eventually.

Maybe it is an age thing.  In my teens and 20's, I was way too accomodating.  I would have said "yes" to every knitting request because I would try to be nice/be giving/couldn't say "no" without guilt.   Then I got more and more pissed with myself for cow-towing to the 'ungrateful ones'.  Now as I'm fast approaching 40, I know that the grief that I'd impose upon myself for saying "yes" in doing something that my heart is not into doing isn't worth it...so I'm completely ok with saying "no" for the right reasons.  You don't have to be mean - just firm.  If they take it the wrong way, it is their problem and not mine.  If I get shunned from someone's gift list:  Oh well.  I probably have it/didn't want it anyway.  Doing stuff out of guilt sucks.  I will not own another person's problems (e.g. selfishness; thoughtlessness)  When I do make something for someone, it is truly a genuine gift from the heart and not a chore that I feel obliged to do.  Aging is great:  I no longer fret over stuff I would have previously agonized over.  In 20 years, when I hit 60, I won't have a worry in the world! (I hope).

Cheers!

Yeah. I should forget this whole "people pleaser" thing. Except I'm pretty sure saying no to the ma would be a bad idea. Talk about tension.

True:  Mom-guilt is a whole different thing entirely...

Oh I have a good story!  I was Christmas shopping for my 15 year old nephew in the mall.  My fiancee and I went into Abercrombie&Fitch and I was shocked to find knitted hats.  They are selling for $40.00.  On further inspection, I found simple cable scarves for $29 to $49. 

I commented to my fiancee about how I could whip up these items in a few hours and pay a quarter of the price.  I didn't realize a lady beside me who happened to be purchasing a large load of hats overheard me.  She looked at me and said, "Well you must be lucky to have the time to do that sort of craft stuff."  She then proceeded to tell me it's too hard to learn and she has two children and a full time job and blah blah blah.

I smiled and told her, "You're right, I'm lucky."     If she only knew I have the same crazy busy sort of life.  Knitting is my escape.  ;)  I can always find a little time....and I feel so good to make beautiful gifts instead of buying them.  I actually went to the craft store and picked out some nice yarn to make my nephew a "replica" Abercrombie hat.

The whole "I'm too busy" excuse drives me nuts. Sometimes I'll go a couple weeks without knitting because I'm busy and when I do sit down, I don't feel like picking my needles up. But I'll never give it up - it might just take me six months to knit a scarf...

I get it if the woman just doesn't want to knit but implying that knitters squander their time or sit around more than most people is ridiculous.

i know it is hard but i am a mom of 3 and work and take care of the house -cook/clean etc.  and i still manage to make  a lot of stuff.  it is all about time management (which i didn't know anything about until i had kids).  i f it is something you love to do you find time, even if it is only a couple of minutes a day. which is why i started in may for christmas.

Exactly what Saffron and qutecowgirl said.  There are days where I have to come home from a 10.5 hour workday and do NOTHING related to my work.  I've picked up my sister's scarf again and am working on it while finishing the last two episodes of Fraggle Rock on this DVD. 

When I recently started knitting again, NO ONE wanted me to knit them anything.? My feelings were hurt!? But I knit them things anyway, and now they want more.? (I tell them, Get in line!)

Knitting is like tonglen (see http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php).? You start knitting for yourself, then expand to knitting for family and friends, and soon you are knitting for strangers in need.? I haven't reached the third stage yet.

Occassionally, someone inappropriate (i.e. cow-orker I do not like all that much) says something about my knitting them something.? I just look at them blankly because I'm afraid if I start speaking, I will say something REALLY inappropriate!

i agree about the whole co worker bit.  there is this one person who looks at what i am doing every time and wants to know what i am doing who is it for etc etc. i just try to be nice it's not like she is into knitting or anything. i was working on a sock and she asked me like a millon questions (now if she wanted to know because she was interested in trying it would be a different story) she  drove me crazy but she is older- like my mom age and i could near my mom in my head telling me to be nice - so i couldn't tell her to buzz off i was polite(mom would be proud) but it was annoying.  i try to avoid her now.

How do you respond to someone who questions the value of knitting?

I tried "This <scarf, hat, shawl> is knit with love" but she-who-shall-remain-unidentified said, "It can be bought with love."

I tried "I like experimenting with stitch patterns, and by doing it while knitting dishcloths, I also have something useful when I'm done" and she asked "Why knit a dishcloth when they can be bought for next to nothing?"

I did not say "I like to have something to do with my hands while I am spending a very boring three days in your company, so I don't strangle you" as that would have been inappropriate.

I'm just trying to get over how rude the people at mty work are about it. never "would you please make me something?" always "make me that!" I hate taking orders...especially since the people giving them are the people who I don't even know their names. 

There was one girl who saw me crocheting and decided to teach herself and said that I "inspired her" that was awesome.  her and I talk yarn all the time.

honestabby - whoa!? i think you're showing remarkable constraint in not saying your bit about keeping your hands busy.? "It can be bought with love" indeed.? That is so rude and unappreciative.  I'd be pulling out a critique of the grotesque nature of our consumer culture, how it is heightened at this time of year in the comercialization of Christmas, and worker-rights related to our consumerism as well as environmental impacts, and asking her whose labour went into whatever she bought for me, and why that labour is apparently irrelevant, and asking her to write letters to the corporations who sold that product asking them what they are doing about labour exploitation. (I came across a suggestion to write such letters every time we buy something to do our part to reduce the exploitation of others via our consumer choices - I think it's a good suggestion and one that I'll take up, perhaps also when I buy yarn...) OK, that's enough of my little diatribe and run-on sentences.  (Maybe this belongs in "Sticks'n'Politics"...)

In other (not entirely unrelated) news, my sister just asked me to make something for my niece.? Apparently she "needs little sleeping bags for her Princesses."? There are 8 of them.  Right now, she's using socks or toilet paper or other things to tuck them in at night.? So, my sister is showing some awareness of the work that goes into knitting in explaining to me that they are very small dolls, but still, I question the need.? Is there anything wrong with my niece tucking her dolls into socks-as-sleeping-bags?? That's what we would have done when we were kids, and I'm not sure that it makes sense to make sleeping bags which will just get tossed once she grows out of this, becoming nothing more than useless trash.? Am I being a stickler?? It is awfully adorable that she wants to tuck in her dolls.? But again, WHAT'S wrong with tucking them into socks???  Isn't it good to stimulate creativity and resourcefulness in play?

In other (not entirely unrelated) news, my sister just asked me to make something for my niece.  Apparently she "needs little sleeping bags for her Princesses."  There are 8 of them.  Right now, she's using socks or toilet paper or other things to tuck them in at night.  So, my sister is showing some awareness of the work that goes into knitting in explaining to me that they are very small dolls, but still, I question the need.  Is there anything wrong with my niece tucking her dolls into socks-as-sleeping-bags?  That's what we would have done when we were kids, and I'm not sure that it makes sense to make sleeping bags which will just get tossed once she grows out of this, becoming nothing more than useless trash.  Am I being a stickler?  It is awfully adorable that she wants to tuck in her dolls.  But again, WHAT'S wrong with tucking them into socks???  Isn't it good to stimulate creativity and resourcefulness in play?

as a mother of 3 i agree that there seems to be a lack of imagination.  when i was a kid my mom showed me how to make clothes for my barbie's  or after she showed me how i crocheted blankets i was 5. christmas shopping fo rthe kids is crazy. the toys practically play by themselves. i always buy things that make them use imaginations, blocks, moon sand hey i even found colorforms for my youngest.  if your niece is old enough how about showing her how of getting one of those kits that teach kids if  you are not close enough to.  but i have made a blanket for my daughter 's amineko (SP?) she had a fever and asked if bob (that's what she named it) could have a purple blanket. well i had some scrap and now bob has a purple blanket.   can't say no to a sick 2 year old. (doesn't that make me a hypocrite ?)  though i did show my 5 year old how to make little houses with his legos for his million pokemon that he has.  oh i hope this makes sense.

I'm reading Knitting Rules? by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/) and finished the section last night about how important swatching is.? If/when I swatch, I unswatch and use the yarn in the project, but if you save swatches, maybe they can be made into dolly beds.?

My mother was my own personal seamstress while I was growing up, and while I don't have any of the dresses she made me, I treasure the time and effort and love that went into everything she made me.

Which brings up another question:? If we can't knit something with love or at least the spirit of giving, should we knit it at all?? If we are knitting resentfully, will that negative energy become embedded in the yarn?? (Sorry, that was two questions!)

well, my niece is not old enough to learn to knit (yet... though I have big plans of course).

I don't think you're being a hypocrite qutecowgirl.  I could see knitting a blanket or sleeping bag for a special doll or stuffed animal, but I don't think I want to knit 8 sleeping bags for every one of her 8 princess dolls.  I mean, where does it end?  Last year it would have been 4 for her 4 telletubby dolls.  Next year (goddess willing) it will be something other than the princess collection (sorry - I'm not a big fan of the revamped princess marketing).  I think it's great that she's being creative and tucking them into socks to tuck them in at night.  I don't understand why she needs something else.  I think part of my strong reaction to this particular request is a reaction to how quickly my sister feels a "need" for material things, and goes out and buys whatever the desire of the day is.

honestabby - I unswatch to use the yarn too, though if I didn't, that would be a great solution.  But this brings me to the other reason for my reaction I think.  I hate to waste things.  That's precisely why I unswatch and re-use the yarn.  And it seems wasteful to create little knitted beds for 8 dolls when Jen seems to have found a very resourceful way to give them beds that she is perfectly happy with.  I love love LOVE knitting things for Jen, but this just seems silly to me.  Besides, I've already knit her some socks with fun fur cuffs for xmas.  Won't those make a great princess bed?   ;)  Maybe I'll just have to make her 3 more pairs.

i am having the same problem with my brother.  he is six and i owe him a b-day gift and christmas gift. but the problem is my stepmom.  she buys both my brother and sister anything they want when they want it. and if something breaks well she'll go get another.  he doesnt need anything. i honestly think she is trying to make up for my dad dying. my brother was not even 2 and my sister was 8 when he died and he was sick since my brother was born. many family members have told her that she needs to cut back on the spending, and what they really need is a mom.  i hope i never have to be in her shoes, i do not think i could handle that. well any way my sister is crafty so she is easy to buy for (learn to knit kit? )my brother well i was given the suggestion of  a savings bond.

i see it at work too kids break a 200 dollar psp and say oh well and then call their mom on their cell phone and they have a new one by the end of the period.  i am trying my best to make sure my kids understand that this is not the real world and to take care of what they have and also that htey do not need everything they see.

I hate that attitude of "money will make it all better."  Yeah, you can BUY something like that hat you slaved over in a store sometimes... but honestly, is it love that gives you the purchasing power to buy it?  (I see this attitude all the time at my workplace, too - one of my supervisory responsibilities asked me if I'd knit her something, and I used the "Well, sure, if you'll buy me the yarn" line.  It got her really quiet really quickly.

Anyway, bully for you, qutecowgirl - on both counts of matching presents to genuine interests rather than trends and on the effort that you're making with your kids. I think more kids need that straightening-out these days, and I hope I'll instill it in ours when they come along.

I have a family member who spends $40 bucks on day care, but can't spend $40 bucks to buy her fucking kid some fucking clothes. All the kid has is hand me down clothes, and some of them are starting to fall apart. The clothes went from one kid to the next kkid in her family, and my cousin (who is married to said family member) is too fucking stupid to buy clothes for his son. I didn't even bother knitting the kid a pair of socks because I know what his wife will say. "Oh? You knit? Couldn't you just buy the socks?" I would be so offended and hurt by that statement, that I'd start to cry.

I got that book from the library. It's pretty good.
Exactly. If the giver knitted an item out of love, and the reciever almost resents it, what's the point? That sweater you knitted for that person would be appropriate for that knitter your close with in you knitting group.

I decided that the next time someone says, "I wish someone would knit me a scarf/afghan/sweater," I'm going to reply, "I wish someone would clean my cat's litter box."

Hee hee!? ?;D? That's great honestabby.

Someone I met at school this year said to me a month or two ago, "If we're still friends next year, will you knit me a scarf for my birthday?"? I was a little taken aback, and kind of laughed and said "What, you think we won't be friends anymore next year?"? I don't usually STOP being friends with people once they're my friends, but interestingly, this woman and I have since gotten in a huge fight and are no longer friends.? Guess I won't be making that scarf...? ?:)

It's almost like the sweater curse (if you knit your boyfriend a sweater, he will leave!). Funny how that worked out... ;)

If someone asks me to knit them something that I want to knit, I usually say that I will when I finnish the millions of other commisions I have. If I don't want to knit it/ don't like the person in question/ it's to big I just say no, I'm to busy.
I don't usually have the problem of unappreciated gifts anymore, because now I'm carefull to only give them to people who appreiciate them. Like my parents do, because they see how much work goes into a project. And my friends who I have free lesons with in school know too, because I knit then, and they see how much work goes into a project.
My latest commisions include the prepster jacket from SnB:HH (I'll start it when she gets the wool. If she doesn't do that - fine by me, I have plenty of other things to do), a cardigan sort of thing for my friend (It's a beautifull thing, and she knits but it's got all sorts of complecated bits on it, and she's struggling to do any kind of rib at the momment and it looks so fun to knit...) Oh and a crocheted baby jacket for a teacher at my school. She's offered to pay me and everything, so I might do it. She doesn't even teach me though, so unfortunately I can't get bonus marks :)

That's good!

I have that problem with a lady I work with.  She is always babbling about how I should make things for certain people.  Last week she picked up one of my knitting magazines and asked me if I could make her the sweater she seen in the magazine.  This woman is about 5'2, 300 lbs, missing teeth and quite stinky.  (Not that I have problems with those who are a larger size-I can't stand her poor personal hygiene.)

I know if I were to make her something she would destroy it in no time.  So I told her she could buy the yarn.  The pattern called for quite expensive yarn-about $330 for the whole sweater in her size.  Then I told her I charge a fee by the hour. (I don't actually do that.)  I told her it could take 6 months to a year to finish it.  (I have my daughter and a demanding job.)

She quit bothering me about it after a while.    :)

When people I don't wish to knit for say,"I wish you could make me...."   I usually smile and say, "Well, what are you going to make me?"  The subject usually is dropped pretty fast.

^That's good that you told that fat ass off like that! And tried to hustle yarn out of her.

I get teased a lot at school for knitting during class. A couple of weeks ago, I was a bit grumpy (it was an 8:30 class, after all!), and snapped, "S., when this class is over, not only will I have learned something, but I'll have a sock. What will you have?" And that was that.

Jen